Looking Back

There are a lot of moments in my lifetime that I could easily say "changed me." I am who I am today because of these situations in my life. Some of those things are tragic, others are light. But they've all been moments along my path, guiding me to where I am today.

I love to look back on these times in my life, because it reminds me that even though the path isn't always smooth, we manage to find good along the way. Each rock we stumble over, or the smooth part on the path that we slide through, in some way shapes us and molds us. So while I would take the good anyday, I am very thankful for the broken times in my life, because it is from the bottom I find myself looking UP!

I love the analogy of dropping bread crumbs along your path so that you can find your way back to where you started. Sometimes on my path of life I have felt lost, but knowing that Jesus is going before me, behind me, and beside me, I have those bread crumbs to follow Home.

Meeting dear friends in the second grade and having them continue to be my best of friends today, is a smooth part, a blessing. Drop a bread crumb.

Having my father have health issues with his heart and major heart surgery while I was in the fourth grade, was a stumbling block, but also a blessing because I learned at an early age the importance of health and exercise. Drop a bread crumb.

Growing up in a small town with all my extended family, a blessing. Having a long-term relationship end while I was in college, a boulder, but no doubt, the catalyst that put me in the right direction for my future. Meeting my soon-to-be husband thereafter, and knowing I would be blessed forever to have him in my life. A blessing. Drop more bread crumbs.

Getting pregnant the first month I tried, a blessing.

Learning 17 weeks later, that my pregnancy would end - tragedy. Bread crumbs.

And on and on. Rocks, Boulders, Smooth paths, Blessings. All bread crumbs.

The sheer joy of two beautiful healthy little girls. The hurt from losing my grandmother while I was pregnant with Audrey. The blessings of good jobs, moving closer to home, having good friends. The sadness of Mr. Tom's sickness, the terror of Cory's motorcycle wreck, losing Mr. Tom to cancer, tragedies. Even so, they have all strangely been blessings in my life. Because out of these situations, the good and the bad, have come a lesson, a reminder that I am always in God's care.

Looking back on all of these moments, I am thankful for the One in my life I could look UP to!!!

Several years ago, I wrote the following in my journal:

Out of tragedy, comes triumph. Right? Well, I am not sure I have triumphed but I would like to think I am on that path. What felt like such a deep, deep pit just a few months ago, is still a pit (but one where there is a ladder!) I am doing the best I can to climb to the top. Sometimes, one step forward means two steps back - other times it means 3 more steps forward. The point being is that you never know where those steps will take you, but you just keep taking them.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for all the times in my life that I am able to look back and find you. Thank you for being with me in the moments of joy as well as the times of sadness. Thank you for showing me that despite it all, You are with me, helping me follow those bread crumbs back to You. Lord, sometimes along my path, I cannot seemto find the way back. At these times, I am so
grateful that You have shown me so clearly, the path. Thank you for giving me the strength to manage the everyday moments of my life, the good and the bad, and be able to learn from these times.

I love you, Amen.